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Rank: Advanced Member
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Joined: 7/24/2008
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Location: Delaware
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As I posted, my mother-in-law passed away last Saturday. When my Dad died over 10 years ago, I wrote thank you notes for flowers, food, contributions, etc., but not for cards received. I had not heard to do that until a couple of years ago. For those of you who have had a loss, do you write thank you notes to people who sent cards? Thank seems a little intimidating since we received a LOT of cards - with both losses - but if it is what we (meaning me probably) to do, that is what I will do.
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Rank: Advanced Member
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Joined: 7/10/2009
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Location: Nashua, NH
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I'm not Miss Manners, but it doesn't seem necessary to send a thank-you note for a card only. (As a card sender, I've never expected acknowledgement.) When my sister died, it would have been near impossible to reply to all the cards. I appreciate thank-you notes -- especially for long-distance flowers and/or donations -- if just to know that the arrangement or $$$ went thru successfully. Just my vote... hope it helps!  j.
On the web at http://www.catnapcrafts.com
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Rank: Advanced Member
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Location: Baltimore, MD
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I think it is totally acceptable not to send thank-you cards for cards received unless they sent money in them.
Frndly1 says Lets Get Creative.
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Rank: Advanced Member
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Location: East Boston, MA
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As the last surviving member of my generation in the family, I have had a lot of experience with this dilemma. I am now the matriarch. And I am one of those who grew up knowing all the rules to live by, (but don't).
The undertaker will give you a box of thank you notes and as many as you need. Now in our family we have always sent a card to everyone who signed the guest book at the wake if we knew their address. And then came the flower senders, and then the cards that are received in the mail. But when my sister died 18 months ago, she was very active in the community and the overload was just too much. Then the cost of the postage would have run us into the hundreds of dollars. Now I have noticed in the past few years (since so many friends of my generations have passed on) that thank you cards have not been sent. Although the cards are free, it is the postage that has curb the response. Etiquette rules change over the years. And I think this one is in the process of changing due to the cost. I personally think the thank you cards are a waste of your valuable time and energy.
They should be sent for birthday presents and other special events. But not for Christmas. And now no longer for the passing of a loved one. The rules are changing and folks are no longer expect to receive one. For those who have lost a loved one and then sent you a card of sympathy, they understand. They have walked in your shoes.
Once known for a brief time as Adele... Remember, Oh My is not God's first name nor is Da*m It God's last name.
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Rank: Advanced Member
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Location: Atlanta/Jacksonville
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As one who has faced this also, I think cards (or even a personal phone call if possible) for flowers, food and any memorials (donations to charities in the deceased name) are still good manners. As usual, it falls to one particular person to do these tasks. Sometimes a church or community newsletter will post a notice from a family thanking all the people in that church or group for their flowers, donations or whatever. When my Dad passed away in 94 my brothers church members donated money to the church music fund to buy new childrens bells and even had a little dedication ceremony later on at the first performance.
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Rank: Advanced Member
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Location: Delaware
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Thanks to everyone. That makes me feel much better. I know that I have once or twice received a thank-you for a card, but it does not seem to be the norm and it surprised me when I received one. While I appreciated everyone's support, the idea of writing thank you notes for all those cards was just overwhelming. Since my husband and I were the ones who lived in the same town, we already have the majority of the notes to write for food, flowers, contributions to Alzheimer's Association, etc. Thanks again - I knew I could get the answer here!
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